Falling behind

It’s impossible to live these days without the ongoing feeling of falling behind:

• News you have to read. - Podcasts that you have to listen to. - Recommended restaurants to try. - X posts to catch up with. - Emails and Slack messages to read. - GitHub notifications to go through. - Travel experiences to experience. - Technologies to catch up with. - Workouts to do. - Kilos to lose to match the stereotypes. - WhatsApp audio messages to listen.

I feel the world around me has got so hectic so quickly, that my brain hasn’t been able to scale. In fact, I don’t think it should. Trying to scale puts me in the perfect mode that capitalism likes: over-consumerism. But what about our mental exhaustion? That’s something only the person suffering cares about.

These days I feel a lot like falling behind, like jumping from one thing to another until I go to sleep. Everything ends up being irritating as a consequence.

And this is a mode I don’t like. I’m aware I don’t like to go through my days that way, nor that is something healthy, but somehow I find it hard to escape. When I manage to ignore all of that and put the focus on myself, which for instance happens a lot when I’m flying, then I have the most mental relief and joy. It’s a forced disconnection that I wish I could force myself at any time without having to step on a plane. It’s a gift being able to do that in a so connected world.

So I’m figuring my way out, but I don’t have the formula yet. I’ll try to go through the pain of reverting some mental patterns that are the consequence of many years of mindlessly embracing a lifestyle that has proven not to be healthy at all. Hopefully, I’ll get through it and restore some mental sanity.